iDo - Learning the Black and White of Marriage (Week 3)

Two weeks ago, several days before my birthday, I wrote the third installment for the iDo series here in my blog. I thought I published it. I was even able to view the post but unfortunately, it didn't get saved. Sigh. I felt so frustrated after knowing about it because I poured my heart and soul into writing it. Anyway, I'm rewriting it again. Maybe God purposed it to happen for me to rethink about it - which is actually good because I think I have something fresh to share.

Anyway, the third series of iDo was facilitated by Pastor Carlo and his wife Ms. Leah. The topic was about Communication.

I guess communication is the heart and soul of every kind of relationship. More than the exchange of thoughts and feelings, it's the moment when we feel connected to a person no matter how shallow. Pastor Carlo and Ms. Leah started the session by asking the couples what we think communication is. Taking up a Communications in college, my answer was "communication is trying to convey a message to a receiver while making sure to eliminate or consider the distractions (noise) that may cause a misunderstanding". I totally don't remember the name of the exact communication theory anymore but that's basically what I answered. Pastor Carlo liked my insight of "eliminating distractions" because he said that sometimes, couples have this cloud of ideas, values, events, feelings, etc surrounding each other which may cause communication not to be successful. Anyway, other couples also get to share their two cents worth about communication. One of the good answers was "communication is giving oneself to another person". I like that thought. It made me think of communication as a pure, honest exchange between two people.

But more than what communication is and the process that happens, Pastor Carlo and Ms. Leah stressed that connection must be its goal. Communication happens not just because we want to talk to another person or because we want to settle arguments. It happens because it makes us whole and it allows us to get to know each other.

It made me realize how important it is for communication to happen two-way. It's not just a one-way thing. I can be chatterbox around Brian. Blabbing about things that I feel, my realizations about life, my rants about work, my plans for the future, what kind of invites we're supposed to give out for the wedding...and blah blah blah blah...I feel blessed that I'm able to talk about anything with Brian. Even the nonsense stuff. But am I able to connect with him? Do I allow him to connect to me? Am I able to really listen to him? I mean, REALLY LISTEN?

I guess that's when EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION comes in.Pastor Carlo and Ms. Leah shared with us that there are so many things that come into play during communication. Between Brian and me, I'm really the more verbal kind of person. I know Brian may think I'm a bit pushy because I'm verbally detailed but I learned that the non-verbal also speaks a lot. Our eyes; the way our mouth curves into a smile or a frown; the setting, place, or circumstances we're in; the feelings we have; our past, all come into play. It's like a whole universe of one person colliding or joining together with that of another person. That's why at the end of every thought, gesture, or time spent with another person, one should ask "did I really connect?"

There are times when I feel that no one really understands what I'm saying. I guess that's why I have dreams of me trying to scream out words but it comes out as just babbles. I'm afraid that no one will fully understand what I'm trying to say. But thank God for Ms. Leah's assurance. She said that sometimes, things don't work out well in relationships.Communication breaks down and couples fight. Maybe it's because we try too hard for another person to try to understand us without us trying to understand them first. That's why it really takes a lot of effort for effective communication to happen. Maybe I just need to be silent sometimes to be able to fully listen to Brian. I guess that's what most of us women should do. The men of our lives may only have a few words to speak that's why we should make every effort to listen to what they have to say.

During the session, Ms. Leah and Pastor Carlo also shared with us The Five Love Languages. I already encountered it before but it was refreshing to be able to review it again and put it in the perspective of marriage.

Every person is unique, and so is our way of showing love to people around us, and most importantly to that special someone. Pastor Carlo said that knowing the Five Love Languages can help us understand better our partner. It can help us communicate in much better way because we are able to communicate or show our love to that person in ways that he or she understands most. So what are the Five Love Languages?

1. Physical Touch - an example would be, showing a person you love them by hugging them.
2. Affirmation - people feel that they are loved when they are praised for the things that they do.
3. Quality Time - love is spelled as T-I-M-E
4. Gifts - showering a person with love can mean showering him or her with gifts *BIG BIG BIG GRIN* hehehe
5. Acts of Service - an example of this could be a man cooking dinner for his wife.

So what's my love language? Ms. Leah and Pastor Carlo gave the couples a Love Language personality test and my results showed that it's Quality Time. And amazingly, it's Brian's love language, too :-)

It does take a lot of effort to communicate, to connect, to share. But when you really love someone, that effort to communicate becomes more than just a must. It becomes exciting and it becomes natural.

My 26th Birthday Gift

Brian gave me a shirt on my 26th birthday. It's not just an ordinary shirt because he designed it :-) He made a caricature of me holding a violin - an instrument I learned playing just recently. Anyway, this is so cute 'cause he also got the same shirt for him - which has his caricature, too.

Thank you honey :-) I really like it!

Addicted to Wedding Websites

Brian and I are on a roll once again in planning our wedding. We've been putting it off for the past two months because we were busy with fixing requirements for our soon-to-be new home *yay!*. Anyway, God is really good because He's been providing all our needs. I'm just so amazed at how He's working around us. It even leaves me speechless and teary-eyed sometimes.

Work at the office is pretty slow and thank God because I have some time to do research and work out our wedding plans. It was really overwhelming at first because there's a ton of things to do and decide upon. Good thing I came across wedding websites all over the internet to help me plan. But here's the thing...I can't really find an online wedding planning site that actually suits my needs.

Most of the wedding websites that I came across with are based in the US and some of the things included in their checklist, and even their budget planner (which uses US dollar currency), doesn't really apply to me. But I signed up anyway cause I needed inspiration and ideas. Anyway, here's a list of the websites that I found really useful:

1. The Knot (www.theknot.com)
    - I like their wedding planning tools because they're very detailed. I find this site the most comprehensive because they've got a wedding checklist, guest list manager (which also allows you to create a seating chart), wedding website builder, budget planner, and even customizable inspiration boards. But the low down? It's US based. I hope some Pinoy Wedding Website developer would come up with something similar.

2. Weddings@Work (www.weddingsatwork.com)
    - This is basically a weddings supplier site. It's actually helpful because it has a big directory of every wedding supplier you could ever think of here in the Philippines. This is where I got the news about the first Bridal Fair that I attended. I also like that they have a feature on the legal requirements needed for the civil registry.

3. BridalBook.ph (www.bridalbook.ph)
   - This website is almost similar to TheKnot. But what's good about this site is that it's relevant for a Pinoy bride like me :-). But the low down is that they don't have the other wedding planning features that TheKnot has like a budget planner (which I find very important).

4. WeHeartWeddings (www.weheartweddings.com)
   - I like this wedding blog because it features more than just a showcase of suppliers. It has stories, tips, ideas, etc. And I like the way they write because they sound friendly. Reading their blog entries makes you heart weddings, too :D

Those are basically the wedding websites that consume most of my internet hours for the past week. And I'm getting excited every passing minute! Wedding day is in six months!