Some thoughts for the day...

Earlier today, we had our wedding entourage gown fittings. I visualized this day to be an exciting one. A day where all my bridesmaids, secondary sponsors, and flower girls together with my mom, Brian's mom, and my grandmothers could get together. I had this happy picture in my mind. But things didn't really go as I wanted it to be. We left late. Arrived late. Didn't meet the designer. Not every one who's part of my entourage went. And some abrupt changes happened. Everything was just whirling around me. I was excited, happy, pressured and depressed at the same time. You can call me crazy but I think every bride-to-be knows exactly how I feel.

I tried to keep my calm. I kept reminding myself that I shouldn't break down. I kept asking God, praying to Him, to hold the hearts of the people around me - that they would also keep their calm down and just enjoy the fitting. And thank God because they did.

Then, I realized that the pressure is really building up. I'm becoming too emotional. I'm becoming very sensitive. Every single word that people say around me becomes magnified. It's like every word has weight. And that affects me a whole lot, most specially when the voice tones change. As much as I wanted to be calm and be organized, all the more things get messed up. Maybe because I'm such a control freak. Or maybe God is teaching me something - that I should trust Him more than myself. More than Brian. More than my family. More than the people around me.

Well, I guess He really is teaching me something.

Thinking about what happened earlier today, it made me question my purpose of putting up all these preparations. Why am I such a control freak over these small details? Why do I want my wedding to be perfect? Why do I want to spend so much? Why am I feeling so pressured when people around me talk about it? Why do I get so affected when people suggest or comment on these wedding details? Then it hit me. I had the wrong purpose. I had the wrong reasons. I wanted my wedding to be picture perfect because I don't want people to say negative things about it. I was afraid of what people are going to say. And that's simply wrong. That's not how God designed how a marriage should start. All these preparations and details should first and foremost remind me that this event is such a big one because it is God who designed it. God designed marriage. It's His wonderful plan. And this wedding is a celebration for God. It's a day to honor Him and to thank Him for this union. It's simply all about Him working through Brian and mine's life.

Proverbs 29:25 says "Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe." (NIV). My friend, Ate Van, shared this verse during a devotion earlier today before our band rehearsal in church. Thank God for Ate Van because this verse really made me think about my attitude towards the wedding preparations. It made me realize that I shouldn't go through all these things just because I fear what people are going to say. I don't want to be trapped in that thought anymore. This wedding is for Brian and me...and more importantly about God.

So, this is what I'm going to do now, I'm going to put my whole trust in God that He will keep this wedding safe - away from all the negativity that I think may come, and away from worries. It's going to be tough. But I trust God.