Not many married couples or soon-to-be couples get the chance to learn the basics of marriage. I mean, do people really understand what its all about? A lot of people plunge into it without really thinking much and there's really no manual or book of law written for couples as a guide. But here's what I know: God has a specific design for it. And I'm just so blessed that Brian and I are able to learn about it through a marriage preparation seminar called "iDo" at VCF Alabang.
"iDo" started two weeks ago. Brian and I would get off work a little bit early to attend the workshop. And honestly, I've always been excited and looking forward to Wednesdays because of this thing. It's very refreshing and it made me realize how much value God has placed on marriage. For the first week, Pastor Chicco and his wife Ms. Mary Anne talked about the Biblical Foundation of Marriage. It might sound too doctrinal but it's actually practical.
Pastor Chicco and Ms. Mary Anne started the session by asking what marriage means to us and what expectations we have for our future spouse and of ourselves as well. Well, I wrote down my answer on my notebook and what marriage for me is that it's a commitment. And that it is a God-ordained relationship between a man and a woman. Brian and I exchanged our ideas and told each other of our expectations. It was actually sweet. And I'm not going to write about it in this blog because that is reserved for just God and the two of us (hehehe!). It was a really good exercise of communication between me and Brian because we're able to lay down our cards to each other.
So the session went on and Ms. Mary Anne showed us what the world views about marriage. Obviously, some people see marriage as living the rest of your life with a special person. Others see it as a convenience. While others see it as a solution to end their problems - may it be finances, personal depression, or getting away from the family. It just shocks me that a lot of people get into this wonderful kind of relationship without actually seeing the reason why God ordained it. They're just missing out on a lot of things and it's very sad.
When I was a kid, I had a romantic view about marriage. Reading about Cinderella, Snow White and Belle meeting their "prince", I've always seen it as being with a person who rescues you and takes you away to live happily ever after. But then I grew up and I've seen that marriage is not really all "happily ever after". Although a lot of women still see marriage as something like that. But according to the Bible, God designed marriage as a gift. A gift for the man. A gift for the woman. It's God's idea. It's God's design. If only people would see marriage as God originally designed it, there would be no broken marriages, no third parties and no accidental marriages.
What I realized during this part of the workshop is that marriage is actually one of the most intriguing yet powerful kind of human relationships. Imagine two distinctly different persons (having different personalities, backgrounds, likes, dislikes, habits, etc) coming together and living as one. It's like trying to mix oil with water. But when God moves into the picture, everything works out. It's like adding egg and vinegar to the oil-water mixture and you've got some yummy mayonnaise - sweet and sour at the same time...(get it? sweet and sour? heheh!)
Pastor Chicco and Ms. Mary Anne also shared with us a nice acronym that describes marriage. And its C.U.P. C for commitment. U for unity. and P for Permanent. What struck me most is the "P" because a lot of people nowadays see marriage as something that you can just end with a divorce or annulment. I think it's just plain stupid. I mean, it's like trying to run away from the consequences of a decision one made - and for this case, marrying the "wrong" person. Maybe this is because people nowadays have grown too "personal" in such a way that there's no more room for another person in our lives. We try to turn that person into someone that would fit our idea a spouse to the point that he/she would lose her individuality. What's always important is what's convenient to us. But marriage is not supposed to be personalized. It's interrelating to each other. It's give and take. And I thank God because I get to understand this concept because I'm able to appreciate and accept Brian more, for how God created him, and for how unique he is.
Another thing that Brian and I learned for this session was about "Leaving and Cleaving". I think this is a very important concept that we Filipino Christians need to understand because in our culture, it's always okay to live with our parents and families even if we're already married. But God designed marriage in such a way that "...a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24 NIV). Maybe that's why there's no such thing as "evil in-laws" in the Bible (hihihi). When a couple lives together on their own, they get to learn how to be responsible and really enjoy the privilege of being together. And I'm so blessed and thankful to have parents who understand this. And Brian, too. During the pamamanhikan, they stressed the importance of finding our own place. I know it's going to be a little bit hard on our own but I know that God's grace and blessings will always be upon us.
Anyway, there are still so many things that I learned from just the first session of this workshop. I could go on and rant all about it but my dream is for soon-to-be married couples to get a chance to experience this, too. We may all have different expectations of marriage. But here's the thing: It's is not all romantic. It may get rough at times but when two people understand how God designed marriage, things work out. It's an everyday decision to commit that each person has to make.
Well, that's it for now.
'Til next post :-)
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